The mood of the day is pensive. Has been since I woke up from a vivid dream of someone I’ve lost years ago. My grandma. No idea what triggered it. She still seemed so real in the dream when my mom was telling her, showing her in fact, how much we miss her. How much empty our lives have been since she left. In that moment I felt she was still here, with us. That’s when the dream broke. For some time, it was difficult to distinguish the dream from real life. And then the mind jumped ten years back to one of the most painful days yet. And the time that followed. And the lives that got scattered and driven apart. And the friends who failed to realize the depth of sorrow. And the bonds that loosened even further. All of it came back. It is the realization how life could have been different if she still had been with us today, that hits me deep everytime.
I have no idea why am putting it here today. Definitely don’t want sympathy. Maybe because sharing eases some of the pain.